horizons
by lareinesombre
Summary: They sit there holding hands because they're both broken. /BeckJade


**Warning(s):** Cutting, Suicidal Thoughts  
><strong>Notes:<strong> Wow. A songfic. I haven't written one of these at all this year. Sure, I've never published one on my account but that doesn't mean that I haven't written one.  
>Also, I re-arranged the lyrics to my liking.<br>And my beta never replied back to this newer version (I went through like... 3 of them), and I waited for a month, so I'm guessing it's okay. Yup... That's it.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own Victorious. If I did, Cat and Andre would be together and so would Tori and Robbie. Also, I don't own Romance Is by LIGHTS.

…

She sits at her desk in third grade listening to the teacher. She feels eyes boring into her neck so she glances behind her to see a small boy staring at her. She notices his dark brown eyes and smiles a little. She likes brown eyes. She turns back to the teacher.

A few weeks later, the teacher rearranges the classroom and the brown-eye boy sits next to her. She smiles at him and he smiles back. While daydreaming in class, she sees a flash of white in front of her eyes and she glances down to find a note on her desk. She glances around and notices that no one is looking in her direction.

She slowly opens the note.

_You have pretty eyes._

She smiles and writes back quickly.

_You do too._

She tosses it at the boy and he smiles as he opens the note.

_**Broken window frames color her eyes in with black lines…**_

She stands there in front of her mirror putting eyeliner on. She puts on red lipstick very slowly. She closes her eyes after standing there and slides her shirt sleeve down.

"Hide the scars," she whispers to herself.

She turns around and stares out the window of her house. She walks over to it and looks outside. She sees people outside playing, laughing, and having fun. A guy turns and stares at her with his beautiful and familiar dark brown eyes. She glares at him, flips him off, and shuts the blinds so he can't see her anymore.

She takes a deep breath and walks by her mirror once again. She smiles into it. "They can't see them," she says to it.

_**Slow it all down, the damage is done…**_

She wakes up every morning and sees the boy sitting on the sidewalk outside of her window. She glares at him and doesn't know what to do. He turns and looks at her with a smile.

There is a pang in her chest as she stares back at him. Maybe she can just talk to him. She runs down the stairs and out the front door and down the sidewalk. "Hey," she says to the boy as she sits next to him.

He looks over at her. "Hey," he says.

They sit there awkwardly, neither of them knowing what to say. She looks down at his hands and sees a small white scar. She looks at her own wrists and sees them covered with the sleeve of her shirt. "You should really hide that," she whispers while looking at the other side of the road.

He looks at her strangely and then glances down. He pulls his sleeves down a little. They go back to the awkward silence.

"Do you like coffee?" she asks.

"Sort of," he answers.

"I love coffee."

"You want to go get some?" he asks her. She nods her head slowly. He slides his hand into hers and walks with her to get coffee.

They finally get to the shop and he orders for her. They both sit at a table together sipping their drinks. "What's your name?" he finally asks since he still doesn't know.

She takes another sip of her drink before she answers. "Jade," she tells him quietly.

"I'm Beck."

"I've never heard of anyone named Beck," she tells him with a hint of a smile on her face.

"It's an uncommon name, I guess," he tells her. "It means brook."

She rolls her eyes. "I honestly don't care what it means."

He grins at her and looks down at his hands.

They try to skip the awkward conversations.

She taps her fingers against the table and starts to stare at him intently. "Um… Do I have something in between my teeth?" he asks her awkwardly.

"No…," she says, still staring. "You just remind me of someone."

_**Your three sides of my eight-sided circle…**_

They lay down on a blanket in her backyard, staring at the sky. She glances over at him and then back to the sky. "My mom used to tell me that the stars in the sky are people who died," she tells him. "But she said that after a person was forgotten, their star slowly disappeared and a new person's star arrived."

"That's sad," he says.

She nods her head. "I hate it for the stars that are forgotten. I hope that when I die, I'll never be forgotten."

He looks at her. "Did your mom ever say what happened to the stars after they disappeared?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "I asked her but she didn't know. She said that they probably lived in a different place and were partying and having fun. It sounded good and I was hoping I'd be forgotten soon after I died. But now I don't want to be forgotten."

"Why not? The other place sounds nice."

She looks at him. "Maybe I don't deserve to have fun."

"Everyone deserves to have fun," he whispers to her, his gaze boring into her eyes.

_**It's one way to say we're abandoned…**_

She sits next to him in the movie theater watching a movie neither of them had ever heard of. They don't even know what it's about, what it's called. Her head rests on his shoulder and his hand on her knee.

They both know that neither of them is perfect, that they never will be. But they don't care as they sit together watching some random movie. They both have their secrets that the other may never know.

She looks over at his tired eyes and whispers in his ear, "Thanks for caring."

He glances at her. "Of course I care," he whispers back to her. "We're both alone and forgotten."

She kisses him for the first time.

_**Two lovers juxtaposed with doorways…**_

She loves it when he meets her at her house. She was always missing and wanting him to be with her. Maybe she is kind of obsessed with him, but she doesn't really care. They may not actually be dating, but he's hers and she's his. They're together because they care about the other.

There's a knock on her door and she opens it quickly and he's standing there with his hands in his pockets just waiting for her. She smiles at him and for once, it's a real, genuine smile. He grins because he's so happy to see her. They fall into each other's arms and he kisses her softly in the doorway.

It feels real to her and to him. They're always going to be together because they care.

She pulls him towards her bedroom and they fall onto her bed. He runs his fingers on the skin under her shirt and she just pulls his shirt off.

"I love you," escapes her lips somehow.

_**There's no explanation or forewarning underneath all the crimson linings…**_

"Why do we do this?" she whispers to him one day.

He glances down at her head on his shoulder. "Do what?" he asks.

She grabs his hand and runs his fingers along her arm. "This," she says as his fingers rest on one small white scar.

He sighs and removes his hand from her grip. "We both have different reasons," he tells her quietly.

"Do you want to know mine?" she asks him.

He looks down at her. "Only if you want to tell me," he whispers seriously.

"It's my family," she tells him quietly while sliding her arm into his. "My mom was a great person. She loved and cared about me, supported my dreams. But she wasn't exactly… right in the mind. She was kind of insane. She had been to a mental hospital five times in her entire life, two times when I was a kid. One day, she just over-dosed her medicine and she was gone."

He didn't say anything for a while as he saw her wipe her eyes quickly. "And that-"

"I blamed myself for it because it happened after the second time. I was ten when it happened and I was turning into a brat. I… I yelled at her for leaving me alone. I said such horrible things to her. The next day she over-dosed," she whispered so quietly he could barely hear her. "My dad found my journal and he read it… He got so mad at me. He blamed – blames me for what happened to my mom." She paused and tried to get even closer to him. "He hit me for a year before he went to counseling. I missed the pain because it was my fault she died, so I just started. And I can't stop."

They sat there in silence. He knew her story didn't fully explain why she cut herself, but neither did his. His was so stupid compared to hers.

They sit there holding hands because they're both broken.

_**Let's raise a toast to a sad story…**_

"My best friend killed himself when he was eleven. I became depressed. I accidentally dropped a glass cup on my leg one day and the pain was wonderful. So I started," he tells her in the school hallway one day.

She looks up at him. "That's a better reason than mine," she whispers quietly to him. "And I'm sorry.

"I'm sorry for you too," he tells her.

"Do we ever stop?" she asks him.

"Maybe," he tells her.

She hugs him tightly. Her head rests against his chest and she feels a tear coming down her face. She wipes it away and pretends that it never happened.

_**With a little poison…**_

She sits in her kitchen after a huge fight with him. She's luckily home alone. She closes her eyes and opens the kitchen drawer. She pulls out the knife and her finger slides along the sharp edge.

She has a new reason to hurt her body.

She hasn't done this for three years, since the day she knew she loved him.

She suddenly stops herself. Maybe she should do something else first. She glances around the room and runs to the fridge. She opens the door hurriedly and looks around. Her eyes rest on the bottle resting in the case. It's her dad's and she knows he'd kill her if he found out.

She takes one deep breath and grabs the bottle out of the box and takes off the cap. She puts the bottle to her lips and takes a big gulp. It's disgusting at first and she spits a little bit of it up, but it tastes so much better the second time.

She accidentally goes through three bottles.

She's so drunk and lost that she forgets the knife resting on the table. She dazedly trips and her hand crashes into it. She cries in pain and pulls her palm back and sees blood oozing out of the wound. She remembers the feeling of happiness from the cut. She grabs the knife and slides it across her wrist.

She has two poisons…

_**We'll survive…**_

He runs into her house the next morning because he's so sorry for everything. He finds her lying on the kitchen floor with blood surrounding her whole body. His eyes go wide and he runs over to her. He bends down and puts his head against her chest and hears her heart still beating. He sees a knife in her hand and he sees the scratches all over her arms.

He pulls out his cell phone and dials 911.

…

She's out of the hospital – both of them – and she runs into his arms. Her head rests against his chest and she loves the sound of his breathing. "I'm sorry," she says to him quietly.

"I should be sorry," he tells her.

"Let's just forget it," she tells him. "Let's never fight. Let's never leave each other."

"I agree."

"I need you in my life. Ever since… ever since I started loving you I stopped doing that."

"Same here."

"Never leave me."

"I'll never leave you so long as you never leave me."


End file.
